The kids and I were driving to the mall. I saw something hanging off the back of a truck. I decided I was hallucinating. Then about a week later, Bill comes home one day shouting.
Bill: WHAT THE HELL???????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Yeah! (I agree, because there's aways something.)
Wait, what/huh? (Because I can't find the source of this something.)
Bill: Truck pornography! What the HELL????????????
Me: Where, how, why, what, when, who????????????? huh? (I get some very vivid mental pictures that I don't want in my head.)
Bill: You are never going to believe what I saw hanging off the back of a pickup.
Me: Plastic testicles. (See earlier experience above.)
Bill: (gurgles sputers, blinks, sputters again.)
Me: Crap, I didn't think that could be what they really were.
Bill: What do you mean really were?
Me: The truck testicles. I can't believe that's what they really were.
Bill: Well, no not literally for Christ's sake. They were plastic.
Me: I know they were plastic.... I just thought they might not really look like, uh ... testicles.
Bill: You know a testicle when you see one, er two. What did you think they were?
Me: Well unless something has changed very recently, testicles are not shinny silver and the size of a dinner plates.
Bill: Oh, mine were skin colored.
Me: Thank God they're not the size of dinner plates. Where would we buy your pants? (I'm laughing like a 3rd grader.)
Bill: Very funny. Ha, ha. I'm trying to talk to you about this serious issue of truck pornography in our community, and you're making jokes.........
(Long pause while he thinks......Even in moral outrage, the man is always the engineer.........)
Maybe the size is a proportionality thing. I mean, it's a truck. They'd have to be big, right?
Me: (Still laughing but also thinking we may be losing what's left of our minds.)
Nope. Now that I've thought about it, what I believe we are dealing with here are bull testicles. Though it sounds like neither, um pair, got the color right.
Bill: You need to focus on what's important here. We've got truck porn riding up and down the streets of Clear Lake, and you're talking about size and color.
Hey, the size thing gives me an idea though. If I ever get the chance to talk to any of the little perverts wearing, uh displaying... the porn, I'm going to tell them it's to compensate for there little *&%$@.
Me: You mess with some Bubba in a truck and tell him he is less than well endowed, he's going to shoot you. The gun's probably an even bigger attempt at compensation.
Bill: I think I can protect myself from some pervert riding around town with a pair of plastic b*lls hanging from the back of his truck.
There's a link here. Yes, I googled truck testicles. Don't look unless your very brave. It made me shriek like a little girl. The add says they are an "High-quality, novelty automotive accessory."
I can't wait to tell Bill.
Now playing: Antal Dorati: Detroit Symphony Orchestra - Copland: Rodeo - 4. Hoe-Down